To love or not love?

After years of experience i came to the conclusion that love is a very strong, dangerous, mysterious and powerful feeling. Either if you are in love or if someone is in love with you, it's still as difficult and challenging. Through experiences and research and of course friends, i find that love is just as mysterious as death itself. You know it will come, you don't when, who, or what's going to happen. After being deeply in love for over for years of my life, unsuccessfully of course. I realize that falling in love is like a business in which you invest, something similar to the stock market, right. You invest in this amazing product and you have absolutely no idea if its going to give you any returns, but there is always hope. Love is that kind of business you have to be careful about, but the scary part is that just like the stock market, you will never know when it starts going downhill. I have been in love once, I've had many relationships of course. Who needs many relationships when they can have "the relationship" with "the one"?. Well i had my "the one" from time to time, but it always went downhill. Surprisingly enough since i was already in love my other three hundred relationships went to hell, of course there was always something missing; Carlos.

We met four and something years ago, my place. My friend brought him over and there he was sitting on my dinning table. Every one of my friends started to notice him, of course he was good looking. Tall, fit, big black eyes, black hair and sexy lips. His name was Carlos, he was my friend's brother and had moved to the city recently, worked at a bank and was Colombian, like me. We exchange numbers and three days later he called, then he kept calling, and he kept himself available. We started as friends, i had a boyfriend. There is an almost invisible line that divides a friendship from something more than that, i have no idea when exactly we crossed that line.But we did and he stole my heart, he sure could make me laugh, like no other. I never felt more alive or complete. It seemed like we were made for each other. Then of course nothing is never perfect, destiny came along and i had to move. Not only out of the city, but out of the country a whole new different area code. Long distance relationship, they all have something in common; failure. We broke up and one thing let to the other and we lost contact. Two and a half years passed until one day, he suddenly popped back into my life. It was like a dream, i couldn't believe myself, the love of my life, the man of all my dreams, was back into my life. It was really him, back into my life, my inbox and my recently calls. We went back to being "us" talking on the phone for hours. We could talk about everything, that's one of the things that got him my heart, he always had the time and i did too. He would call me from work, from a party after drinking all the alcohol there was. Calls at 4 am, who does that but him ? we were made for each other. At least i though so, but i guess i underestimated the situation. I believed too much, i wanted to believe in him, in us, but i underestimated distance and life itself.

It was too good to be true, that's right. That's why it wasn't true at all. It was all a lie, he was playing his game all along, he had someone else. I don't know how he did it, i could've sworn that i knew where he was at all times and i was always talking to him. I guess when you really want to do something, you always find a way. How did i find out ? it wasn't hard at all, he told me. I never knew anything about her, i never asked her name or where she was from. Nothing i didn't need to know, i was hurt enough i didn't need any details. The idea itself burned my insides; my soul, my heart, all that defined me, was burning very slowly.

We can say that's how it ended. I was devastated, i needed sometime for myself, its been 8 months since. Time goes by so fast, its unbelievable i though it was a lot less than that.

Its time for a change.. lets let Carlos live his life, i need a long break from love and all this relationship stuff. It's just too complicated to deal with.