My Soul Mate

Lo encontre, aquel ser que pense que no existia. Alquel ser que ni en mi cabeza existia. Como puede existir un ser tan perfecto como lo eres tu. No tengo palabras para decribir lo que me haces sentir. Cada palabra y pensamiento que sale de tus labios ensienden una pasion en mi que sinceramente no se como describir. Eres como un sueno del que jamas quisiera despertar. Me encantaria conocerte, ser tu amiga y confidente y si el universo lo permite entrar a tu vida para nunca salir. Son tatons mis deseos que aveces me quiero alejar por que tengo miedo de no saber ser lo que esperas. En tan poco tiempo me has echo sentir algo que nunca habia sentido. Despertaste en mi una pasion que no sabia que existia. Si me lo permites te acompanare en cada una de tus aventuras y te apoyare en cada projecto de tu vida. Necesito aprender a resistirte por que es tan dificil tenerte en en frente y controlar la pasion que en mi enciendes. Ayer cuando te tenia en frente casi no puedo resistirme, queria darte miles de besos y demostrarte lo mucho que estas significando para mi, pero me detube y solo te bese en mis suenos. Me has hecho re-encontrar el camino a mi alma y yo que pense que no lo encobtraria. Eres lo que mi corazon esperaba silenciosamente, eres tanto que no hay palabras que puedan descrirte. After all you are my soulmate, even if you dont know it yet.

Just a little sumthing.

Its 12:11 Am, June 21st 2008.
My mind is navigating to my past. I can only think of someone right now. His name was JuanPablo, he was that one person who taught me how to love, who showed me what true love was. I don't remember much about him, but i do remember his smile. He died September 2006. While i was trying to overcome my pain, i picked the worse technique; abandon. I forced myself to forget him and now its hard to bring our memories back. I sure do miss him.

Es increíble como con tan solo un abrazo borraba cualquiera de mis males. Se llevaba en cada abrazo cada una de mis tristezas. El era todo, desee la misma muerte cuando se fue. Es difícil describir lo que sentí al verlo en ese ataúd, hubiera preferido morir a tener que decirle adiós. Pero me regalo mucho mas que recuerdos, me regalo mucho mas que un beso, mucho mas que un abrazo. Me devolvió la vida, aquella que al irse yo me encargue de volver nada. Juan Pablo Arboleda Rojas, aquellos que tuvieron el gusto de conocerlo, lo admiran. A pesar de su incapacidad y los limites de su estado físico, se desvivía por hacer que los demás se sintieran feliz. Era un hombre con un pequeño nino dentro de si y tenia un corazón mas grande que el mismo universo. Ese corazón que yo como muchas otras mujeres rompi.

En mi opinion hay cosas en la vida que no se pueden evitar y ahy historias que no pueden continuar. Creo que en el libro de su vida yo tenia que ser la ultima y en el libro de mi vida el tenia que ser un capitulo mas, pero uno de los mas importantes capítulos en mi vida. Hay personas que han echo en el mi vida haya un antes y un después; el fue una de esas personas. En el libro de mi vida ahy un "before Juan Pablo y un After Juan Pablo", Big change.

God saw he was getting tired, and the cure was not to be.
So he put his arms around him and whispered come with me.
with tearful eyes we watch him fade away.
God broke our heart to show to us he only takes the best.
Juan Pablo Arboleda
Medellin, Colmbia Feb 3 1982
Toronto, Canada Sept 21 2006
I will always remember you.

Te Amare

There is a place

There is a place where i can stop pretending, where i can say, think and feel whatever i want and no one absolutely no one is there to judge me. There is a place in which i hide the reality of this dream. A place that no one has access to. In which i get lost in between my feelings and my life becomes a stage. There is a place in which its o.k to dream, fly and imagine all i want, because i own it and its out of reach of those who wont allow me to fly. There is a place deep inside that only belongs to you, a place that you don't even know you are in. It may look very small but it holds the essential in my life. Its my everyday hope. There is a place for you and me, in which we can be together forever.

Te esperare a la orilla del mar.

l

" Te amo no por lo que eres, si no por lo que soy cuando estoy contigo."

Lo entendi despues de ecuchar esta frase mil y una vez, lo entendi. .....continuara

It's been four years since i left Miami, four years today. It's amazing the way that time changes everything and how the real stuff never goes away. Today four years ago i was in love, deeply in love with the man of my dreams. Everything was as i wanted it to be, well not everything i had to leave. It's just hard to believe that it's been so long. I was happy. Right there and in that precise moment it had to end. It would had been better to only remember good stuff about him. How he made me laugh, the way he would chase be around the little beach in from of that lake. The way we used to play with the sand and the way we kissed until our mouths ran out of saliva.
June 20 2004 a date to remember. I was heading towards my future and leaving every single part of my soul, right there in that moment with him.


I keep asking myself. Why is love so difficult, i had a huge debate with some friends last night about relationships. After talking and arguing about; first dates, serious relationships, sex and playing games, for over 3 hours. I realized something, no matter how much you talk about it, how much you think about it, how much you try to understand it. Love is as unpredictable as life itself, and of course every guy its a different story.

Talking about talent? how do you know if you really have talent, these are my drawings. I don't dream of becoming an artist or anything like that, but it would be a nice hobby. Sometimes you need to be pushed in order to get to know the real you inside.

That just got me into thinking, What makes us who we are? is it the amount of money we have? or the career we choose? or our family? or maybe our name ? i even have a better question for you; Who are we?
Humans living on planet earth? Organisms that evolved from monkeys? God's creatures ? Or just a powerful animal raze? or are we just a mix of all that?

I don't really have the answer to any of this questions. At least not the real answer or anything that has been proved by scientist.

Me? I am a dreamer, i dream of peace, i dream of reading all the books there are in the library of the world, i dream of becoming the best lawyer, I dream of being the best daughter,friend, sister, girlfriend and eventually wife. I spend my life dreaming, dreaming of this, dreaming of that, just dreaming and working on achieving those dreams.

Sometimes you have to stop dreaming, and start realizing those dreams. That's where i am right now, i am trying to realize my dreams, achieving my goals. Changing those things i need to change about myself. This is a time for reality, this is a time for myself.















Soon enough i will be ready to proceed, for now i don't want to dream anymore. I want to wake up to my realized dreams but i want to earn every bit of it. I'm taking on step at a time, there is no rush. If i die tomorrow i will go in peace because at least i know i can, I can do whatever i put myself into. The sky is the limit !!! IMPOSSIBLE IS NOTHING. Lets FLY straight to SUCCESS.

To love or not love?

After years of experience i came to the conclusion that love is a very strong, dangerous, mysterious and powerful feeling. Either if you are in love or if someone is in love with you, it's still as difficult and challenging. Through experiences and research and of course friends, i find that love is just as mysterious as death itself. You know it will come, you don't when, who, or what's going to happen. After being deeply in love for over for years of my life, unsuccessfully of course. I realize that falling in love is like a business in which you invest, something similar to the stock market, right. You invest in this amazing product and you have absolutely no idea if its going to give you any returns, but there is always hope. Love is that kind of business you have to be careful about, but the scary part is that just like the stock market, you will never know when it starts going downhill. I have been in love once, I've had many relationships of course. Who needs many relationships when they can have "the relationship" with "the one"?. Well i had my "the one" from time to time, but it always went downhill. Surprisingly enough since i was already in love my other three hundred relationships went to hell, of course there was always something missing; Carlos.

We met four and something years ago, my place. My friend brought him over and there he was sitting on my dinning table. Every one of my friends started to notice him, of course he was good looking. Tall, fit, big black eyes, black hair and sexy lips. His name was Carlos, he was my friend's brother and had moved to the city recently, worked at a bank and was Colombian, like me. We exchange numbers and three days later he called, then he kept calling, and he kept himself available. We started as friends, i had a boyfriend. There is an almost invisible line that divides a friendship from something more than that, i have no idea when exactly we crossed that line.But we did and he stole my heart, he sure could make me laugh, like no other. I never felt more alive or complete. It seemed like we were made for each other. Then of course nothing is never perfect, destiny came along and i had to move. Not only out of the city, but out of the country a whole new different area code. Long distance relationship, they all have something in common; failure. We broke up and one thing let to the other and we lost contact. Two and a half years passed until one day, he suddenly popped back into my life. It was like a dream, i couldn't believe myself, the love of my life, the man of all my dreams, was back into my life. It was really him, back into my life, my inbox and my recently calls. We went back to being "us" talking on the phone for hours. We could talk about everything, that's one of the things that got him my heart, he always had the time and i did too. He would call me from work, from a party after drinking all the alcohol there was. Calls at 4 am, who does that but him ? we were made for each other. At least i though so, but i guess i underestimated the situation. I believed too much, i wanted to believe in him, in us, but i underestimated distance and life itself.

It was too good to be true, that's right. That's why it wasn't true at all. It was all a lie, he was playing his game all along, he had someone else. I don't know how he did it, i could've sworn that i knew where he was at all times and i was always talking to him. I guess when you really want to do something, you always find a way. How did i find out ? it wasn't hard at all, he told me. I never knew anything about her, i never asked her name or where she was from. Nothing i didn't need to know, i was hurt enough i didn't need any details. The idea itself burned my insides; my soul, my heart, all that defined me, was burning very slowly.

We can say that's how it ended. I was devastated, i needed sometime for myself, its been 8 months since. Time goes by so fast, its unbelievable i though it was a lot less than that.

Its time for a change.. lets let Carlos live his life, i need a long break from love and all this relationship stuff. It's just too complicated to deal with.